playing games at Grandmas
You Tube Videos
Eventually it ends, and the relief after is sweeter then it would have been otherwise.
it gives me a unique take on the world
it has taught me compassion
it has made me strong
it helps me understand my wife in a way that I couldn't if I had never had it.
I'm weak, I hate that I'm weak. There are all these changes that I want to make in my life and I don't seem to be able to follow through on any of them. I have plenty of ideas on how to do better - just no follow through... I suck.
But I start out with a good plan, and I know that they are good plans... so that's better then where most people in my position start. So that's half the battle right there, granted the easiest half of the battle - but half the battle none the less.
But I've spent years trying to do better and where has it gotten me?
The fact is that while I may not be where I want to be - I am better then I was ten years ago or even last year... so while I may not be changing quickly enough for myself - I am changing.
I shouldn't be so hard on myself - nobody changes overnight, and I'm gaining ground - moving forward.
I could probably move a little faster in the right direction if I could find a way to make it fun. And if I could stop trying to make myself change so much at one time... what I need to do is pick one thing, find a way to make it fun, and work at it slowly... self discipline is like any other muscle, it requires exercise in order to become stronger...
I also need to find a way to gauge my success as I am moving forward - I need to be able to document proof of improvement.
All the good plans in the world wont change if I keep trying to approach this from the same direction that I always have. Trying to force myself to do it alone doesn't help it just makes me harder on myself and then I get further down.
So I'm going to pick one thing - getting the new car - and find a way to make coming up with the money a game... For every 300 dollars I save, Deb writes me another story. I can document it easily by seeing how much has accumulated.